The Tease of Things I Don't Need

Bloody Moronic

(or "What's really at stake?")

Having paid for three tickets and sat through it I’ve probably punished myself enough, but I want to stop to note the latest Wesley Snipes vehicle from Marvel Entertainment – Blade: Trinity. If this movie's on your list of holiday fare -- I know how many of us like to hit the movies a couple times during the holidays -- then stop reading now.

Fair enough.

If you’re looking for a flood of special effects, gunplay, explosions and choreographed sparring set to techno-tracks, then this could well be your movie. The only requirements are paying for the ticket and turning off most of your brain so that the meddling gray niggler won’t spoil the fun. This sort of film has its time and place, and if you enjoyed most of The Chronicles of Riddick then this one will probably be fine, too.

It’s very simple (heh): They’ve decided what is required for a semi-supernatural action adventure, and a well-thought-out plot wasn’t on the list. The police show up when it’s called for in the script, but when they'd spoil a scene it doesn’t matter how many guns go off; just like when someone other than you runs a stop sign there isn’t a cop in sight. Also, and this is a biggie, the whole movie builds up to the use of a big, marvelously effective weapon to use against the vampires, it works… and then it’s promptly forgotten since to do otherwise would mean the end of the franchise.

They have action, they have what passes for snappy patter, they have lots of cool tech gimmicks – the sort of things that M would have been proud to claim had the British Secret Service gotten into the vampire-hunting business – car, truck, motorcycle and foot-chases with much crashing through windows, walls and leaping between buildings, and some new, young heroes who fight hard to win the respect of our anti-hero, the Daywalker, Blade.

I’m not going to completely dissect the film here, though. If you go and see it, like it and think I’m being too harsh, well… what does it matter what I think? God bless ya, if you had a good time then that’s all that really matters.

I am a little concerned, though, since comics and film scribe David S. Goyer (it's easier to remember to keep in the “S” if you remember “schlock”) who wrote all three Blade films got to direct this one, too, and it’s apparently led to him over-reaching himself. Or it at least demonstrates a need for some sort of guiding or editorial hand.

What I’m primarily concerned about is that this sort of sloppy screenwriting, where the jokes and action sequences are all that they’ve really shown much concern for, if it’s deemed to be successful will lead to a series of similar work. As with last year’s Daredevil (though with different shadings -- don't get me started on DD again...) the result is a weak movie that leads me to think someone in the process is saying “What the hell? It’s based on a comic book, for Chrissake! No one’s going to worry about the small stuff!”

I don’t know. If you happen to see it and like it more than not (I know at least two twelve year olds who felt that way) then feel free to say so. That's what the comments are all about. It does keep moving, and in the casting of Ryan Reynolds as Hannibal King it often felt as if they'd managed to get David Arquette on the cheap. Reynolds delivers lines that more often than not are the sort of character-endearing ones that they at least try to put into the mouths of characters played by Arquette and Owen Wilson. The snappy sparring lines given by a character who manages to be both cool and almost geeky at the same time is all that keeps some scenes together, so I appreciated it doubly.

Compared to co-co-star Jessica Biel's character, Abigail Whistler, Hannibal King definitely has depth and substance. Well, he's at least likeable. Abigail's schtick is being the tough, hitherto unmentioned offspring of Kris Kristofferson's Whistler, who bows out of the franchise as of this picture. Aside from that she's notable for kicking ass and firing high tech arrows while listening to mp3s of questionable music (my age is undoubtedly showing -- I'm within a month of being twice Ms. Biels' age...) because, well, it isn't as if you need to hear any opponents that might be coming up on you just because they may be heavily armed and/or vampires with superhuman strength. It's all about looking cool in slo-mo, don't ya know? Ditto for any need for body armor. Hey, what are these guys gonna do, anyway? Bite ya?

Echoing the 7+ ft. Fantastic Four logo in the theater lobby, the techno-geek weaponeer in Blade’s new crew wears an FF tee shirt, so Marvel’s getting its marketing act together a bit more by the day. Seeing how this film was put together, though, along with what’s been leaked of the script for 2005’s Fantastic Four movie I’m not terribly encouraged. There’s no reason these movies have to talk down to an audience, and in the long run this sort of thing will undo many of the gains made by films such as the two, modern Spider-man films.

To give you another perspective on this I should note that one of the previews shown tonight was for Constantine, the movie based more or less on the DC comics Vertigo series that jumped from the UK to the US with the casting of Keanu Reeves in the titular role. That preview looked more engaging than Blade: Trinity.

Ya pays your money, ya takes your chances.