Spillover
The final hour of the first day of the new year. (Yeah, I'll cut that out. It's already tedious.)
I believe I've been busy most of the day, but don't ask me to outline what I've accomplished aside from cooking dinner. (London broil - and with such ample leftovers that I'll be cutting them into thin strips and marinating them for Monday's fajitas shortly - baked sweet potatoes, and sauteed onions and mushrooms.) I'm beginning to fear that a surveillance-cam of me would show me lapsing into fugue states for minutes and more at a time.
Today has been a Sunday that eats like a Saturday for me, since Monday's a holiday for my company, too. The kids are back in school Monday, so it won't have the full feel of still being The Holidays, but it'll be close enough to suit me.
It's also a holiday for the USPS, which also means there'll be no shot at news via mail until Tuesday. We've been left hanging on too many important issues as we've passed into the new year, and it's gnawing at me a little more by the hour as the start of a new working year looms.
Instead of winding down for the night I appear to be ratcheting up.
This is the last holiday night of this rare holiday stretch, and I'm in loathe to let it go. Much as with some things I took care of Friday into Saturday, making a mark before the year closed, I need to accomplish a few things if I'm to have any shot at making this next transition in peace. The potential for a truly black, lasting depression is running very high. If I come out of this holiday feeling that I'm in no better position than when I went in, that potential will become a near certainty. I don't need that, my family doesn't need that, and it's not going to be good for anyone aside from whoever gets my job once the space is suddenly left vacant. If that's going to happen I want it to be in a happy way -- and I don't mean a final reel of American Beauty happy way. I want one where New Year's eve 2006/2007 sees me riding high and happy to be alive. Not to be unduly morose, but I can't honestly say when I last sincerely felt that.
So, time to dive back into one of my wee projects and see if I can't spare my little corner of the universe some grief.
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Comments
Last night I was in a lovely spot; constantly thinking to myself that I had to go back to work tomorrow, and then realizing, with a fresh burst of joy each time, that no, no, I didn't. It was really rather pleasant.
Now, of course, that's all over. Still, my holidays yet linger, I'm surrounded by my girls, and honestly, life don' ged much betta dan dat.
You and I have noted before that we seem to be on some weird mutual karmic see-saw... things get better for one of us, they get worse for the other. I hope to snap that bond, if no other, and see things get better for both of us in 2006.
From the sound of things from the kids more than a few families must have felt the single week off was a cheat, and as a result many weren't in school today and in several classes there wasn't even a pretense of tackling any new work. Grant's wife and kids, up in Chicago, at least had today off, too, and indications are that they also have Tuesday. Consequently they're off on a mini-trip now.
Here, in between, we're into yet another day of the most depressing and useless of winter weather: gray skies and rain. There oughtta be a cosmic law against this.
Thanks for the karmic well-wishes and the thoughts on breaking the see-saw. Some of it's out of my hands, and the trick with the rest of it is for me to actually try some things.