A couple answers
I don't believe we're ever completely done with childhood, which is probably a good thing in the end. Those of us who are parents frequently find ourselves playing parents to ourselves as we go through the motions of doing so for our kids. So long as we don't make the mistake of only seeing the similarities and not the differences, and so oversimplify our kids into nothing but copies of ourselves, everyone involved can benefit.
Not having a father around for most of my growing up, nor even an older brother or uncle who was in the picture much, I have to make all this up as I go. Feeling eternally half-baked and unsure of the ingredients in the meantime, I'm doing what I can to make it work out for all of us. Well, at least I like to think I am.
Anyway, recently I found myself running over the old lament of being 44 and not knowing what I want to be when I grow up. Then two answers occurred to me. They're not especially helpful for me, but they're true.
The first is the slightly cynical one: Younger.
By the time I make up my mind -- even if I do it five minutes from now -- I'll be wanting more time. Well, that's the human condition, of course. Even if I don't figure it out I'll always want more time even if it's just to procrastinate it away.
The second's the one someone should have drummed into me from the start. Probably the most important one a parent can impart to a child in regard to something to aspire to from a subjective view.
What should you be when you grow up? Happy.
Okay, so it's a bullshit answer, not particularly more helpful than telling a child in the third world to grow up not hungry. Still, it's valuable at least as far as getting someone to concentrate on building an enjoyable life. It's so easy to get caught up in doing useless crap because one's told it's what one's supposed to do, which often leads to falling into a life that requires one to have a job just to keep the show going... and there you go. Millions of people spending most of each day either doing things they don't want to do or resting up so they can do it again tomorrow.
I'd say 98% of the guidance counselors in the united states should be given a life sentence for negligence, but nearly all of them are teachers who've been saddled with yet another assignment they don't want and aren't given the time and resources to properly execute. In the end can we really blame them if most of them want most of us to be miserable, too?
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Comments
But that's only if we focus on our jobs. My current job is fairly unpleasant (although, having said that, it's an enormous improvement over the living hell Super-Girlfriend helped me escape recently), but it's the smallest part of my life, and doesn't really much impact my happiness, which derives from entirely different sources (Super-Girlfriend and her Super Kids, mostly). I find it onerous for many reasons, most serious of which is that Super Girlfriend hates my hours, but still, my life is very, very happy regardless.
I don't look for happiness in my job. Until recently, I didn't look for happiness at all, and was contented to be contented, and that level of satisfaction came from reading good books, watching good TV or movies, gaming with the occasional friend, or writing a particularly satisfying piece of text. Work was just something I did to pay the rent. And I suspect it will be for the vast majority of us.
I don't think one can be happy until one is satisfied with oneself, and has attained some self esteem... and once you have that, real happiness comes from outside; from being privileged to try and make other people who are precious to you as happy as you can, and have them return the favor.
Now, 'grow up to be happy' is still good advice for any parent to give their kid, and I salute your epiphany. I'd just follow it up with a "unless you're really lucky, don't expect to find happiness in a job". And I'm not sure how much blame we should put on guidance counselors, in a world where we'll all probably be working for Halmartburton in another 20 years anyway...
Always makes me smile.
:-)
A: The shirt just doesn't get any respect these days...