Oct.13-19 - More Returns and Changes

Shadow Wars

Hidden battles in small-scale, very personal wars - the world's full of them. Once one knows a single participant in one there's some degree of involvement.

Apologies to the newcomer for all of the vague references -- indeed, if you don't know who and what I'm talking about then this should be of no interest to you and you should seek something else out. I'm neither in the mood to assign code names to people nor to use their real names for the sake of easier storytelling.

Back on June 17th someone I'd only known through some comments on various blogs and a few posts on her own blog became a focus because this was a fairly new, online persona for the current girlfriend of a friend's ex.(Whew! A briar patch!) Much was made of it, and as a result the person was about to shut down blog operations. She dropped me an email to let me know the blog would soon be gone, and why. I'd enjoyed such comments as she'd made, and the focus of her own blog (found when I followed the ID link back from a comment on someone else's blog) was a pleasantly odd theme choice, and beyond that was simply someone trying to find topics she wanted to hit. Every blogger wants some encouragement and I was happy to take a few minutes to try to leave some comments.

So, here I was looking at a note about giving up.

My advice was for her to stop, take a breath and decide for herself rather than let the reactions of others force a rash decision.

If she was enjoying blogging and had any intention of doing so again in the future, sticking with the current blog and identity would be the wise thing to do. Dropping it could be interpreted as strengthening the case that this was a disguise being used to infiltrate and gain useful information for the other side. Also, if she came back in a different guise and there was ever some instance where the incestuous paths of blogging found her commenting on a thread frequented by one of the other parties and who she was was detected, the charges would be back at double the ferocity. So, leaving could be seen as a sign of guilt, and leaving only to come back, well, life could get even more complicated.

Taking her on her word and giving all benefit of the doubt that she intended no deception (and I'd like to emphasize that I'm not saying otherwise now - from what I can tell if it was a disguise it wouldn't have fooled anyone who knew anything about her as there were no signs that she was manufacturing people and places in her blog entries) and was merely trying
for a different blog theme and some degree of a fresh start, I advised that she'd be best steering clear of the blogs of the two people on the other side of this very personal conflict. Reading those blogs would only bring a mix of irrelevancies and something possibly incendiary. Otherwise, my advice not to let anyone else effectively dictate where she chose to go online and associate with. I said that back on the 17th and I'd say it again now with the same set of information.

However, I found out early in the week that in what had to have been less than a day -- likely within a few hours if even that long -- my response was turned into a slap in the face by my friend's ex, meant to demonstrate that even her friends were telling the other blogger to stand up to her. A hurtful distortion of the message I was sending.

That was distressing. In the end it made me feel more foolish than angry, and doubly foolish for feeling disappointment above all else.

In hindsight I was naive and short-sighted to not anticipate so likely a path of information flow, even as an innocent mention, since the person I responded to is in a relationship with the friend's ex, and issues between the sides of the former family ride high in the daily lives of all concerned. Custody and caretaking issues are paramount, creating an unfortunately chafing bond that has survived the marriage vows. Any development was likely to come up at least as a casual point between current girfriend and boyfriend. I was only seeing as far as the immediate situation, though.

It was akin to a kick in the nuts to have a well-intentioned action make a friend feel almost betrayed and far less welcome in my space on the 'Net.

Needing to keep some focus on the work week I slid it to the back burner, knowing that, as is best said in a Samuel Jackson voice, I don't have time for the bullshit. (You just have to remember to punch bullshit for all it's worth. Hmm... I could have phrased that better.)

So, I'm not saying that I believe I was directly used as a weapon, but merely that I ultimately was, and so have to be cautious what I say, as even I - hundreds of miles away, and never being in the same room as any of the parties - cannot claim to be Switzerland. Any such claim being made by any of the parties actually involved in relationships with either side of this former marriage is absurd.

Partisans all.