Wasilla Mecha and the Winnipeg Ninjas
There may be something in the water as one heads up North. First, up in Alaska:
As Carlos Owens Jr. envisions it, the humanoid machine he's building will shoot nine-inch nails from the shoulders and 20-foot flames from the forearms. "You've got to have flame-throwers!" he says.
Indeed, one must have flamethrowers. I tell my wife that every day, but will she let me make a simple modification to the minivan? Nooooooo. To hell with the warranty. We're talking national pride here, babe!
Its nice to know those 9-Inch Nails CDs have another use, too.
Oh, and don't you worry. I wouldn't think of getting "him started on the implications explored last summer by the Will Smith flick, 'I, Robot.'" We can hope Owens plans to use his creation for good purposes, such as preventing more pseudo-adaptations of Asimov's stories. Why do I have such a strong feeling that an interview with Owens would soon feel like a tangent thread left on the cutting room floor from Trekkies?
I'm sure his parents love him, but has it only crossed my mind that the 6' 5" Owens might have his parents trapped there, their eyes pleading to communicate their terror to the oblivious AP reporter there to collect her piece for the quirk file? "Didn't you hear him? Nine inch nails firing from the shoulders? Flamethrowers? $20,000?! Send. Help."
But, meanwhile, in Winnipeg...
I know -- well, I did once I happened to go back and saw he'd added it to the comment thread -- Dwight assures me his countrymen aren't suffering under the NHL strike, knowing that almost no one down here will watch unless U.S. teams are involved has to be eating away at them. They're going mad. Maaad, I say. If it's not soccer and it's not on U.S. tv screens it doesn't exist. And they know it.
Let's get back to the 18 ft. battle skeleton up in Alaska. What do you think? Will he head down to Winnipeg to battle ninjas, or will this become part of U.S. military operations? Remember, that bicentennial of the War of 1812 is kicking off in just seven years, and payback's a bitch. Burn Washington, will ya? You just try fending off 9-inch nail guns with hockey sticks, guy! Flaming touques, scrambling into the woods. It will be glorious!
Kaplah!
.png)
Comments